Monday, April 18, 2011

Can't Always Do It Alone!

I'm a strong.
I'm confident.
I'm independent.
And yesterday, I realized that I can't always do it on my own. While hiking to the book , I was brought to my knees as I forgot how to breathe, a simple in and out and in and out. It is something I have always taken for granted, always known how to do, yet as I was I was hiking it was something I couldn't do.
After hiking for about an hour, the hike was getting harder and starting to go directly up the side of the hill. I had had trouble breathing as my nose was stuffed up, but this was different. I stopped and tried to breathe and air would go in a little, but barely come out. I tried over and over again and it just got harder and harder to breathe. I tried to calm myself and breathe in, but after awhile, nothing was going in. Then the tears started and my stuffy nose got stuffier and I could breathe less and less. I tired to look up at the sky to get my bearings, but the tears kept coming and my breathing ability was barely there.
It was so scary (even now, as I think about it, it brings tears for my eyes.)
I, then became doubtful in my ability. My ability to complete the hike, my ability in completing my triathlon, my ability to breathe again.
I felt weak.
I felt scared.
I needed help.
Good thing I wasn't alone...cause I would have died.
He used his voice to tell me to breathe in and out. He breathed with me. He used his body against mine, so I could feel his breathing and could match my breathing to it. After awhile I was able to finally catch my breath, but then there was a bit of tears as I was so disappointed in myself and I couldn't believe that that stupid hill was getting the best of me.
I pulled it together and tried the hill again as he set the pace. A short distance up, it happened all over again as I couldn't breathe again and so again, he used his voice to tell me to breathe in and out. He breathed with me. He used his body against mine, so I could feel his breathing and could match my breathing to it and again I was in tears. I was such a mess....
Yet again I had to rely on someone else.
For the rest of the way up, we had to stop every few feet to make sure I was breathing. And for the rest of the way up, I felt like I was letting him down, as I could tell he just wanted to make it to the top, even though he said otherwise.
He had helped me to breathe again.
He wanted me to finish.
He had confidence in me.
He believed in me.
And it was a good thing, cause I wouldn't have made it to the top without him.
Conquering that hike was an amazing experience in realizing that I can't always do things on my own, but in surrounding myself with people that can help, I can conquer anything.

2 comments:

sarahmarie0730 said...

Sorry you had to go through that:(

I have learned over the last year that it is okay to lean on people...in fact, sometimes that is the best thing we can do for ourselves.

I am so glad you had your friend there with you to help you conquer that hill:)

Anne C. said...

Oh friend....I've been in your shoes and probably will be again. Just remember we tend to judge ourselves more than others judge us. Thankfully you had some help, it's nice to have that support.
Anne C.